My most absurd thoughts
moments of inspiration, varied in coherence, pulled from my notes and social media. press ★ to save!
January 2026
Extremely strange phenomena I’ve observed: When I want to make something really pretty and I care a lot about how it will look, I’ll give it a couple tries (e.g. I’ll write a word / take a picture / draw a doodle a couple of times and pick the best one) and very very often the first one is the best one. I think this is pretty absurd and interesting though I’d suspect it has more to do with cognitive biases than anything (devise an experiment!)
The thing that Winesburg Ohio seems to be commentary about (even more than whatever the critics think, or at least what I’ve taken from it) is that every human deeply desires and needs something we could probably vaguely call “love”
It took only 2 days for the BS administration (short for boarding school) to remind me that I am but a three legged mouse in this game of snakes and ladders. Ipad photography.
They (guess who) are telling me to Put my Bed back together and that makes me sad :(
I hate that math is probably the most important thing to be good at I cannot even lie to myself and say i dont need it I’ve Given up on this class. I hope I can find my way back one day.
I want to go around and shake people (myself) up and down one hundred times and yell really loud in their face and say Life is Really good Please try living
I used to make fun of people addicted to gross weird things like cigarettes and porn because I think its kind of stupid (Dude, at least pick something good) except now I realize I'm addicted to even more stupid things like caffiene and sugar and video games so idk
If you have opened twitter in the last 7 days chances are you have stumbled upon THAT guy’s essay. I wrote a response to it (Title: You Cannot change your life in one day). But Its been like 3 weeks since Ive touched my blog and I'm too much of a lazy prick to do anything about it but I have so many new writings I’d like to share!
In a similar vein it seems that there is a personal spatial-temporal axis i.e. some people are very conscientious of the time it takes to do things while some are conscientious of the resources it takes to do things. I think maybe the most successful people are maximally temporal and minimally spatial
Ok I think the biggest lie I've ever believed is that there is a lot of time and you can always wait. I think this is not true.
When comparing two things, finding the relationship between two things etc... especially for items of high dimensionality, the easiest way to gague how "good" or "close" etc. etc. two items are is to simply assign a boolean value on each dimension... One easy example: interpersonal compatibility. Two people are "closer" on this high dimensional space if some dimensions are close in value (if their difference in iq, personal interests = 0, they may get along well), and opposite for others (difference in disagreeableness = 1)... this model is very useful because 1. you are very stupid so you could not possibly project two things onto each other in a meaningful way and therefore this simplified model is a quick framework and 2. you should be very familiar with the things this is most useful for (i.e. you)
Very often, maybe once or twice a week, I’ll make an asinine complaint about whatever is bothering me (today it is how fucking moronic I think ap economics is), type something really long and post it on my instagram story and then remember this is not what my fans love me for so then i delete it.
I think love is one of those things that people desperately try to get right and they psychoanalyze themselves and their family and their husbands and wives and boyfriends girlfriends dog uncle sally gerbert to fucking Death and they ask themselves WHY and they read books about what it is supposed to look like and what they should do and who they should do When maybe. Whatever you already think love is is exactly what it is. And whatever you want to feel is exactly alright. No matter if people want to call it toxic or not. Pinning this so I can laugh at myself in 10 years when I am a cynic divorcee.
A common therapy I enjoy is to think of the set of people better and worse than me. I.e. the set of people far more funny than me and then the set of people who are very boring (Indiscriminate in their relation to me because I am of course already very funny and interesting). I often fall into this status quo rationalization stage where somehow I decide that I am the perfect amount of funny and interesting without having to Shove myself down anyones throats. And I think this exercise has probably made my life worse in many many ways.
I find most celebrities rather tasteless and stupid but This Chalamet guy charms me into this buried homoerotic trance that most attractive people do not. I am mostly immune to attractive people… No. Thats not true. But this one is special.
Inside of me somewhere is a very funny person. I just need to find him. And ask him what to do with this soup.
I’m trying to defeat despair with whimsy but all I’m left with is a very thick, quite disgustimg soup.
Important skill people dont seem to talk about enough: knowing what people will like
I submitted USC and claremont yesterday and to celebrate I watched one of those love movies where they never end up together and find someone else And are left wondering what could have been.And I woke up having dreamed about my life and I cried thinking about it and then I went and ate my 4 hard boiled egg sandwich.
I liked the way you spoke. It reminded myself of me, if I were braver and sharper. If I didn't had to hide behind my small fences of irony. The moment I think of the most between us was when you told me that I knew how to talk. I'm not sure if I was the one doing the talking.
But what does fate mean to you? When do you decide it has been decided so? Of course, things each happen for reasons, but why must they be good? Why must you be satisfied with the way things are? I could hardly bear the notion of accepting hardship by deferring agency to fate!
In the LC, freshman approaches me: Arent you the guy? With the Instagram stories? … Yeah you’re like an influencer. I love your Instagram man 🙂 I feel somehow both validated in that my slop at least entertains some people but also a bit sad my impression as a human is reduced to my instagram shitposting. Although most of my life is probably orthogonal to this guys Maybe I want to be known as the nonchalant intellectual chinese guy instead. I'm also practicing my sf goyim jargon (e.g. orthogonal isomorphic physiognomy etc.)
Very important to find the fine line between romance and perversion. Also genius and hysteria. etc. etc.
its really disturbing how full of despair and suffering my life is When I was born rich tall handsome and smart. Not sure how this happened. Well actually I do but I wont get into it like that. I'm not sure what this Person wants from me (I know). I'm nearly perfect (im not).
Marco Pierre White: Food has always been my mistress, and also my therapist. Spend time with her. She'll teach you more than anybody else in this world.
Restaurants in nyc: - “intimate” “cozy” “family style” - asian cuisine, french technique - chef does not understand the irony in his usage of the word chinoise - crudo not optional - some commentary about colonialism necessary
its (basically) over Oh mygod I'm (basically) free
Wittgenstein: I won't say 'See you tomorrow' because that would be like predicting the future, and I'm pretty sure I can't do that.
I should probably be more afraid of saying really stupid things but I’m not
Applied ethics (any domain): Ok pragmatic helps the world etc. Metaethics: mental illness, squabbling children, wittgenstein is your dad
How tje fuck is metaethics still a real thing I dont understand why it even exists if you do metaethics you are probably just a fucking Dumbass?
Hard to really think of a decent moral argument for pronatalism except that I think humans are the cutest When they are still babies
Wittgenstein: I am now in another hole, though I have to say, it is no better than the old one. Living with human beings is hard! Only they are not really human, but rather 1/4 animal and 3/4 human.
Wittgenstein, on the village where he taught at: "I am still at Trattenbach, surrounded, as ever, by odiousness and baseness. I know that human beings on the average are not worth much anywhere, but here they are much more good-for-nothing and irresponsible than elsewhere."
When I cry I do a really pathetic like Singular tear kind of cry I'm not sure why yet I will feel that overwhelming swell of emotions but Somehow I convince myself you are too old and Huge to cry without knowing what you’re crying about so I manage one tear before rationalizing that its actually not so bad
Wonder how horrible it would have been for prehistoric humans to have mouth ulcers
2026 resolution: Become really bad at video games
Meditations on 2025 Do you believe in God? I don’t want to believe in a world without magic I want to be able to answer why with teleological conviction Why was the last week of 2025 so… everything? I don’t care what metaphysics led you to me lets have a magical 2026 and live in the fantasy in our mind!
December 2025
Sorry I'm currently battling my inner demons I will be gettimg back to you shortly
everyone: Nobody cares about me!! Please care about me and love me!! christopher hitchens: I will not give my penis any rest
That ome girl you meet when ur 16 that ruins the next 5 years of your life
I AM THE MOST oppressed person in the world I AM oppressed by the Absurd weight of my humungous brain does anyone even know how fucking hard it is being so talented and high iq Oh my god my life is soooooo hardddddddd
The worsr person you know: Oh my god I’m so oppressed I’ve overcome so many struggles I usedo be kind of ugly when I was 9 years old here are some pictures to prove it 😢😢
I find a lot of joy in being particularly cryptic in the intention of my messages… maybe not cryptic but layering irony in every word… Not even layering but plastering so thickly that nobody can tell if I mean X or not X… and actually to a point where I’m not even so sure what I mean. I think its my own kind of rebellion against words and people taking words so seriously when anyone can press any string of words for meaning and find whatever they want. so its a bit of a little game for people to play And I relish seeing the reactions of people who dont know me so well and How they squirm in discomfort as they try to work out if i am a horrible person or not… I think it can be offputting to some people but I do it for ME I tend to like people who can recognize it quicker than not I find that its a perfect test of intelligence and emotional awareness Well I wouldnt be so conclusive as to say people who recognize irony are more intelligent and more emotionally aware but they are surely moreso like me and I think in a way I use irony as a kind of projection of my dialectic thoughts… i.e. I am mostly ambivalent not because of indecision but rather there is an ongoing conversation in my brain about something and therefore I say something that is true in one half of my brain and ironic in the other half of my brain Let me know if you are like this as well and we can decide If we are psychopathic or not together
There are only 2 outcomes in my life I either become incredibly bitter fat and miserable or I am a perfect radiant genius And unfortunately the trajectory is not looking great
No you dont get it I'm actually really funny you just dont follow my private instagram account
November 2025
when the college application is real and you actually have to apply to the college and its not just a funny thing to complain about
Recipes i’ve beem developing (YES I WILL UPDATE MY BLOG SOON) - sichuan aglio e olio - doenjang tomato eggplant - vegan mapo tofu etc.
Thanksgiving dinner A fewduays ago… Speedrun 120 minutes 4 dishes Yes who is impressed wow leon so impressive Things I’m grateful for - People who insist on being right - The sensation of taste - Dopamine - Wittgenstein - Minecraft with my little brother who is nearly as large as me (I am very large) - Green - Quiet (No fucking urban hum) - Fermented beans
In the middle of the night IDK why but I just get random inspiration for fried chicken? Things to test- Steam breaded chicken to pregelatinize breading and then fry (I think I might be onto something) (I think this might also be the reason why doublefrying is so good) (also I suspect that chicken juices leak out during the frying process and so this will make a sealant kind of like a batter but unlike a batter it has surface texture) Smashed wing salad? I watched like my 20th pierre koffman trotter video and it reminded me of deboning chicken wings with Ryan some random night after we built our stupid ass grill on the balcony… and how annoying it was… so I considered what it might be like removing the bones post cooking instead except that seems kind of gross? and kind of weird? But then I remembered some southeast asian dish where they smash fried chicken and smother it with sambal (probably malaysian) so maybe its not that weird. And everyone loves wings man except its so fucking annoying to eat. Sichuan chicken salad but wings holy fuck Need that rn
I dont care what it says about me I will like that instagram reel. You cannot stop me. I WILL LIKE the reel.
There exists people who see things that are stupid as fuck and think to themselves… that is the way things are! what should I do about it? and I respect this kind of person the least… the kind of person who thinks there is nothing to do and things will always be how they always have been.
Every time I'm up in the morning I just cannot find anythingbetter to do so I expunge my brain vomit upon You all.
What the fuck does “talking” even fucking mean? Seriously I actually have no idea what that is actually supposed to mean. When does something go from not talking to talking and I dont mean in a pedantic pile of sand way but like actually the qualifications of talking. What the fuck? Am I going insane who are you guys talking to and what does that even mean??? Am I talking with anyone ?????? Or am I not. Who wants to be talk stagers? Thinking specifically of someone with beautiful luscious long golden hair.
multi unit 3 TNB test Think I got a 50/100 SEE you guys at thebottom of a gutter
Guy who cares: i dont even care
Biggest problem in ai isnt reaching agi but rather society accepting and utilizing agi
Bathrooms on campus with the best lighting: 1. Dining hall left bathroom 2. Day east boys bathroom 3. Talbott 4. Douglas hall (nice side lighting) 5. Chapel 6. TI (surprisingly decent) absolute shit tier 5. Art building 6. Rosen 2nd floor 7. Rosen 1st floor Let me know what you guys think
Honorable mentions: Riverside Baltimore Miami Las vegas (this one should have made the list) Tacoma washington bellvue washington Renton washington
American cities with the highest proportion of terrible people (I saw this in a dream) 5. San francisco - 34.5% 4. Los gatos - 41% 3. Jacksonville - 43.1% 2. Seattle - 48.2% 1. Atherton - 61.2%
Niche sociology hypothesis: political ideology of big tech originating in sf is going to landslide to the right in n years. Premise 1. Silicon valley is full of npc ass sniffer insecure nerds who will do anything for success (insane hivemind) (literally everuone thinks they are crazy except themselves) (they think they arent crazy enough) Premise 2. Young men are ideological sheep Premise 3. 99% of young entreprenurial men in SF is permastuck social climbing on twitter (far right brainrot cesspool) (imagine LA instagram models trying to collab except its computer nerds onntwitter) Premise 4. Young entreprenurial men will spend their time on twitter interacting with far right fascists and view far right fascist propoganda because they are larpers and have nothing better to do Conclusion: Silicon valley will quickly transform politically, elon musk will personally catalyze this event through his humungous levers (and already has been)
I see the future of America and it is not looking bright
Things I would do to get into college: - Eat 1 pound of raw pig brains - Be bald for a year - Never be able to itch an itch again - Gain 100 pounds - Have my toenails removed - Be 30% deaf in my left ear Things I would not do - Write my essays - Complete my common app - Get good grades - Form strong relationship with my teachers - Do extracurriculars - Research the colleges I want to go to
They talk about prime leon zhou like 2013 lebron
I think if a vietnamese person had a child with a korean person the child would be chinese. Not sure though. Currently investigating this hypothesis.
I'm giving up on college apps I'm just going to become a chinese entertainment industry plant i cba going to start doing a skin whitenining regimens
Terrible things are happening to this world and all of these things originate fom Silicon Valley. We need to fucking stop them seriously Now right now we need to stop them. Because I’m fucking scared of them. Can we please stop them now? Please? Destroy every computer on the planet. Terrible things are coming.
If you listen to 2hollis immjust hoing to assume you are a bad person
wonder how snakes feel when they shed like socially ykwim. Like is it kinda like private or is it like a ceremony or is it even kinda like intimate ykwim. liwk taking off your clothes. Lmkwhat you guys think
When I'm old enough and talented enough Yes I will spend my entire life cooking little aesthetic dishes okay. I will Actually care about how my food is arranged. Because my life will have then had no more left to offer and I will no longer have intrigue.
I’m really … kind of emotional. Actually. Like I would probably say I am a rather logical person but I think that is far from true. I think actually I would argue that 1. it is important to be quite emotional, and far more controversially, 2. value judgements cannot occur without emotions, therefore all moral agents must be emotional. Of course i know that when people characterize someone as “logical” they dont quite mean devoid of emotion but I would perhaps just prefer to point out that people are far more emotional than they think, insofar as every single instance of considering something to be good or bad is an emotional decision. And I have a lot of these kinds of opinions, even if its simply because I think about it often
I’ve always thought of bad things happening to me as a kind of self determining fatalist consequence of being a terrible human but I think it makes my life just so much more miserable. So now I’m going to start blaming everyone else and everything and the real telos of worldly punishment being that I am jesus and I am simply suffering for everyone elses mistakes. Maybe I will feel better about myself this way.
The only reason I'm not a hedonist is the prospectof being a far more sucessful hedonist
Things that motivate me: - Deadlines - Beautiful things - Reading nice things - Hatred - Delicious food
“Like a mosquito in a nudist colony i’m not sure where to begin” Okay apologetics can be funny too thank you Mr dsouza
Person obsessed with men: i hate men
Really interested in the tumblr girl blackpill boy dichotomy.
The thing is I really fucking hate reading like the act of reading is so disgusting and laborious and my eyes hurt but man the words going in my brain is so excellent goodness.
When I want to say something controversial but I feel Koshi’s Gentle Fragrant Aromatic Ambrosial breath on the hairs of my nape and I delete it but nobody will know how funny what I was going to say was
Make leftwing sexy again. Really annoyed that the right have many more slogans and Aesthetic ideologies for young men.
Going to try a thing where I pronounce things with weird intonations Like those old white professors.
Fucking hate the ideas that animals have moral worth relative to their sense of companionship. I’ve watched so many reels of dogs … forcfully copulating with other dogs and animals and inanimate objects … they are no more civilized and intelligent than pigs but we have no problem gassing 1.5billion pigs everyear… Disturbs me. Seriously. All this to say that dogs qualify for (some nonzero real value) moral value just as pigs and cows and chickens and humans do. Animal ethics and determinism are two such irrefutably “true” things it amazes me that probably 95% of people hold completely contradictory worldviews.
unsettled goat debates: 1. Plato vs aristotle 2. Kasparov vs Carlsen 3. Ruler vs Uzi 4. Jordan vs Lebron 5. Euler vs Gauss 6. Jesus vs buddha
Most insane thing I saw today a stand selling labubu clothes and maga merch nice nice Monterey california guys.
I have to force myself to listen to happy songs. No more damn joy left to spare.
I wonder what its like to be a chopped wasian
It’s actually my moral duty to be a little fat and funny. Aristotle says so. It would be virtuous to be a little fat and chill. It would be eudaimonious.
the most atteacive person in tbe world used to be george clooney now people argue wether or not jordan barrett no diff blackpill hypermogs hunter eye HTLN NEET NGMI changbob sean opry
August 2025
my Least favourite words spoken frequently by people who are very evil (often in combination of each other): 1. Niche 2. Esoteric 3. Aesthetic 4. Oblique 5. Heuristic 6. Patina 7. Neo-x/Pseudo-x
No I haven’t gotten fat I’m just more fortuitous. Resplendent. Bountiful. Lush. Ample. Flourishing. Sumptuous.
I prefer songs sung by women not sure why. I like the female voice is more beautiful and pleasing to me. Or at least feminine sounding not too much testosterone please. Not sure why this is and I’m not personally attached to the singer usually (one exception applies)
Whatever happened to activism? What happened to Malala and Greta and throwing soup at Monets? Please bring back activism man. Hope we get some more crazy shit because I’m tired of reading about whatever new Bastardly shit Donald Trump is doing.
Really dont like that nihilism is associated with like murdering people i think existential nihilism can just be playing league and eating food too
Am i the only one that gets fucking annoyed when these dumb fuck annoying ass influencers go around in like Asia or something and they go around and buy things for whatever they’re supposed to cost there and they go like OMG!!! A WHOLE MEAL FOR 500 RUPEES!!! THATS LIKE SIX DOLLARS OMG!!! like yeah bro thats how much fucking food costs dumb fuck you actually got kind of ripped off too shut the fuck up man we get it America is expensive and everyone is rich why is this shocking to you
Noticing a trend where young teenage boys are starting to outglam women. The only edge women seem to have so far is Makeup but once young teenage boys start to get on that the glam power boulder will start landsliding.
I’m scared its never safe in Palo Alto what if Peter Thiel has a nanodrone pointed at me right now seriously I’m basically a chinese spy???
Fuck my chungus chinese life I just want to be a lebanese goat farmer and eat shawarma all day 😭😭😭 🇱🇧
June 2025
I love sparrows truly the best common bird I love how plump yet elegant they look sort of reminds me of an early victorian woman’s bodice… and unlike the pidgeon they have a blended plumage and a curiously upright and full tail… I love observing them Much more than pidgeons I honestly have somewhat of an annoyance for pidgeons but sparrows I love a lot
Gluttony into bath into nap most op combo highly recommend
Really like this emoji because look even though they are crying they are still holding out a little sheepish smile and i appreciate that 🥲
It’s me they’re talking about. With the labubu and the tote bag and the clairo merch. It’s fucking ME.
May 2025
The secret best looksmaxxing hack is actually to love yourself and live life with whimsy but some people aren’t ready to hear that
Face emoji tier list z:😛😭 s:😅😂😊🙂😗😟😕🙁😶🤕 a:😃☺️🥰😋🙂↕️😒☹️😨😓🫢😦😧🥱🤮 b:😆🥲😙😝🥸🙂↔️😠🤭🤫😐😴😪🤑🤠 c:😄😁🤣😍😚😎🥳😞😢😡🤬😶🌫️😰😥🤔🤥🫤🙄😯😮😲😮💨🤢🤧 d:😀😇😌😘🤨🧐🤓😔😣😖🫠😑😬😮💨😵😵💫🤐🥴😷🤒 f: 🥹🙃😉😜🤪🤩😏😫😩🥺😤🤯😳🥵🥶😱🤗🫣🫥🫨🤤😈👿
How it feels to be born a fresh pair of raw denim excited to be worn in by a rugged handsome strong railroad laborer and bear a beautiful worn fade but instead U end up being faded between a fat lazy asian dudes ass and his chair while he queues his 12th evelynn game of the night in d4
Context is such an important part of art…I think that in every part of human communication there is some amount of context that is to be had (i.e. empiricism)… at the very least in language there is the understanding of words and in art which is kind of a language there is the deciphering of visual elements… art is the aesthetic capturing of meaning and so naturally without the context of the experience or the context of the viewer (which are more similar than you may think) art cannot have meaning… and so it upsets me that some things are denied meaning because its context is stripped from it. Even for example if I’m me and I make a joke it would be more funny than if a comedian did because I’m such a dry boring guy that the context of me would make it funnier than if a funny guy you expect to be funny said it. Or if Hitler drew something it would be a more meaningful piece of art than if some random guy did because its something beautiful an ugly guy made. or if the Sistine Chapel ceiling was just in some dude’s bedroom… Yeah… Lmk if u agree
The most evil people I know compare themselves to anthropomorphized deer
Summer is coming which means i start listening to pre immunity clairo again
Me in 10 years riding down the eastern border of the slovenian alps with my newborn in one arm and goat cheese wheel in another
Classic leonzhou watch league of legends 70 minutes per class into 20 missing assignments into panic the night before AP pipeline why do I do this to myself
April 2025
Accepting my fate as chopped shyt I'm going to become a cheese farmer in the alps with my family of goats but I wont be on the fancy west side of the alps i’ll be an eastern alper like slovenia alps … the kind of place where people dont wear underwear and they eat whole grains … I’ll be okay and the world will be beautifully plain again
Room cleanliness serving as some sort of proxy for my mental state
Sometimes I just want someone to put a number on my life so I can determine whether or not i’m actually worth anything
In carnage, I bloom, like a flower in the dawn
The most important thing to understand in all of cooking is how heat changes the chemistry of food
Also I’m actually not convinced that Hume is right about being wrong about the shades of blue thing. I think he’s wrong about being wrong. Let me know what you guys think.
My mom said to me once You dont have to prove yourself to anyone and since then I just do it for me
I have two moods one is brown and black and the other one is green and white. Charred and roasted or poached and steamed. Burning hot or tepid.
A penis taught me how to play the piano
March 2025
Koji everything fuck it koji fish koji soda koji koji
Noo Nooooo Nyt cooking editor dont put miso in that noooo 🥲🥲
I often think about little ants that snip my individual face hairs off instead of shaving that would be good i think a lot of ants
I have a weird obsession with mailboxes
I sort of like Maximalist minimalist ykwim like when you have the most interesting weird version of something really basic No colors no frills no layering just a lot of weird details n shit I like that
Thinking about how much Clairo has shaped me I think like top 10 most key figures in my life after like my dad #parasocial
February 2025
You know what I’m a damn hoot I’m a hoot to be around I’m totally a hoot nobody appreciates how much of a hoot I am… totally a hoot
Brown butter miso gochujang chili crisp garlic confit black sesame dubai pistachio chocolate bar sea salt lemon frangipane custard cheesecake pie cookie croissant
Personality trait people dont talk about enough is irritability
Benefits of being a good person is that people like you
A lot of people overcompensate for their shortcomings in a lot of ways but I do it by holding onto the last shreds of my masculinity with rage and misery
Sometimes I like to imagine the ripples of the ocean to be the ridges of a sour cream cheddar ruffles chip
Immediately identify a gay man by their usage of the word patina
A lot of the time I want to ask a stupid silly pointless question and then I remember it doesnt matter and I dont care
Something different about the colors of a nice sunny day
the only person who you can judge for knowinf nothing is your past self who knew nothing
Need to stop being scared of things feels unreasonable to be scared of the things people are scared of
One such symptom of our modern obsession with fleeting aesthetics is the rise of packaging as a product
Watching my friends go to elite universities is motivating me to rot in bed every day even more
January 2025
Nothing happy about this damn new year